Yes, I've disappeared again. I've been gone for almost a month. I am a lazy blogger. I also have children who now tell me exactly what I can and can't post to my blog and that takes my entertainment value down. Way down.
Fortunately, The Dad still allows me to guide some of our hikes. That takes my entertainment value up. Unless you are on said hike with me. Apparently me guiding a hike is no longer preferable and so harmful that since I guided said hike, The Family has not taken another.
All of a sudden The Kids are very busy doing their chores and The Dad is offering to take me to yarn stores much more frequently.
The Hike started out beautifully.

A beautiful desert to make a quick one hour hike in. Please allow the theme to Gilligan's Island to invade your brain at this moment. It is most appropriate.
So, as I said, The Dad all of a sudden decided to listen to me when I said, "I think we should go this way."
Usually, me making that statement assures The Dad that he is indeed leading us the correct way on the trail and he doesn't even bother to respond to me.
This time? He said, "Okay."
With that single word, he sealed our fates.
Don't worry, he has taken full responsibility for this incident and he paid a hefty price.
So, here I am, leading away. Please ignore my fat arms and notice instead that my jeans are too big for me! Yeah me!

The Kids were displaying their typical hiking behavior. You know, whining, moaning, and complaining loudly? Drinking all their water in the first 1/2 hour.
And climbing. They did a bit of climbing.

Family bonding at its best. Little did we know that in just a while longer, our family bonds would be tested, bent to the desert's will, and rebuilt stronger than they were the hours before. Oh, and there would be even more drama than that which had already ensued.
At least it was in the 60's and not 110 degrees outside. There are always things to be grateful for.
The Kids foolishly tried to hide in a cave. I found them, silly things. Then, I decided to lead in a different direction!
The Boy agreed it was a great idea, as did The Dog.

The Girl suggested a different path. Ms. Smarty Pants thought it would get us back quicker.

Poor child was outvoted. Of course, it would have helped had the park actually marked any trails with signs other than, NO BIKES ALLOWED, and DOGS ON LEASH ONLY.

This is perhaps our last happy moment on this hike. The Girl and I cuddling on an outcropping as we rest. Really, I just put this one in because The Girl is covering up my fat and other than that odd hand coming out of my elbow, I look pretty good.
Soon after this, we realized we had somehow gone astray. Most of us still aren't certain exactly what happened. Others of us found a scapegoat. The Scapegoat was quick to lay the blame elsewhere and appoint a new leader for the group.

Our Saviors. Of course, we are now three hours into this one hour hike. Notice our lack of backpack with provisions packed. We were starving. By starving I mean that The Dad had allowed me to sign us up for this 30 Day Vegan workshop online and we were two days into the process. Yeah, we were hungry and shaky, and pretty whiny.
I believe at some point The Girl even got it into her head that we were going to die in the desert. I got this idea because she kind of lost it and started sobbing. Along with the sobs were uttered words. Like Die, Desert, Hate, Mom, Hiking. She's apparently not good under pressure.
See her wringing her hands and clutching her stomach. The poor thing was convinced we would never get back to the parking lot.
The Dad had the camera or else I'm sure we'd have some pictures of him hiking ahead of us with The Boy reacting much the same, just more quietly. He always holds things in.
Which way do we go George? I'll give you a hint. We should have headed to the upper left of this photo.
Guess which way we actually went? Yep, down into that canyon, following the wider trail. Never choose a trail by width. It gets you stuck in the desert for four hours.

Then, you just might yell at your husband, "Why do I always get stuck in the back with the whiny ones??"
To which he will reply, "I have one too." And continue to lead the way out.
Also, he will eventually lead you back to civilization in the form of someone's backyard. He will then have to cut a path through the creek and all the overgrown bushes to get his family back into the park.
He will also then catch a horrible case of poison oak because he went first and saved the rest of us from that horrible fate.
Can you imagine the whining and crying and moaning?
Yeah, then think if The Kids had gotten it as well.
He is our hero.
Lessons learned:
- Alway pack provisions, always.
- Never let The Mom lead the way. This includes giving driving directions as well.
- Always pack rubbing alcohol for quick Poison Oak cleansing. Even when hiking in the desert.
- Don't ever be in a life and death situation with The Girl. She loses it.
Luckily, we did eventually find the parking lot and then food. Also, we wore The Dog out so much, that he slept for two days.
That and the family bonding, made this trip totally worth it.
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